I’m trying to come up with a good “Overcoming Adversity” mix CD. A CD with songs about overcoming adversity. Here’s what I have so far:
Any suggestions?
I am here to tell you to stay away from Splenda.
The other day I went to meet Pam at the park. On the way to meet her, I stopped at the store to buy some popsicles. I got some of those Real Fruit popsicles with no sugar added. I thought “of course there is no sugar, they have real fruit!”. So I went to meet Pam, and we started eating all of the popsicles because they would have melted otherwise. When we got to the last one, Pam read the box, and it said the popsicles had Splenda in them and that people with weak constitutions that eat too many may experience a mild laxative. I thought 6 popcicles each wasn’t too many, plus I don’t have a weak constitution. No big deal, right? WRONG. Tenderly Dead Wrong. Or more like tenderized poop wrong.
About an hour later Pams stomache started hurting. Then about 20 minutes after that, mine started hurting and we started walking home. I ran home and sat on the can with explosive diarrhea for about an hour total (two half hour bursts, and I mean bursts). I was afraid to go anywhere, so I ended up watching Scarface.
Apparantly, Pam and I aren’t the only ones who got the runs.
Perfect comedic timing is when you say or do the funniest thing that could have been done at that point in time. That is a very rare thing for me, and typically happens when I’m tenderly making love (which ruins the moment). The other day though, I actually had perfect comedic timing. I ordered a pizza and when the guy arrived, he said that my upstairs neighbors were watching Trapped in the Closet and had it cranked up loud. After I paid for the pizza, I went to the window and leaned my head out. Right at that moment was the “ohmygod its a rubber” part, and I yelled “OHMYGOD IT’S A RUBBER” at just the right time and they all started laughing!
Perfect Comedic Timing.
Hardware you’ll need:
Software (all installed on the linux server):
Seriously. Don’t litter. It really pisses me off. Someone has to clean that shit up, which costs money and is also a pain in the ass. I mean, do you throw garbage on the floor in your house? I don’t. Well, sometimes I do, but then I have to pick it up and take it out, and that is a pain in the ass. People littering usually don’t pick it up. I guess its not really considered littering if the litteree picks up the litter. I think then its just considered dropping or throwing something and then picking it up.
On the way home from work yesterday there was particularly bad traffic on I-5 and this guy in the car next to me was grabbing handfuls of cigarette butts and throwing them out the window. He wasn’t really throwing though. He would just hang his arm out the window and let them go to be all sly and stuff. I watching him do it 3 times! So I shouted “hey! quit littering”, but he didn’t look at me. I couldn’t tell if he was hard of hearing (he looked pretty old), or if he was ignoring me. So finally I yelled “Hey asshole! Quit fucking littering!”. That time he looked at me and gave me an oops, I’ve been busted face. Unfortunately at that point traffic started to move again so I didn’t get to have any more altercations with him again.
This weekend was opening day for kickball. Our team didn’t win, but we had the best outfits, skit, team spirit, and moxie. Moxie is a very important part of a team, and I think we’ve got it.
Our team had the best opening taunt ever. Our opponent was The Old People. Lindsey dressed up as an old person, and we marched out on to the field with him and a coffin while playing Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. We beat Lindsey up and shoved him in the coffin. Then we mooned the other team revealing that we were all wearing depends that spelled out Ball Deep.
We Rock.
This weekend was basically awesome. Highlights include, kickball practice, multiple karaoke nights, China Gate staying open until 3 AM for us, shooting a kickball training video, manties, looking like Britney Spears, a yoga ball rumble, and much more. I am still trying to recover from having more fun than anyone in the world.
Last night after Kickball practice, we went to sing karaoke at Bush Garden. I’ve never seen the place so empty! I got to sing like four times. Anyway, there were many tender moments to be encoutered. First, there was the girl passed out on the seat with her Mom (I think), and boyfriend (?) tenderly trying to revive her. Thirty minutes later, they somehow got her to stand up and walk out. That scene was very Date Rapey ™.
The next tender moment was the group of recent law school graduates who came to sing. Most of their selections need to go on Ball Deep’s bad music collection for throwing off the other team. The only songs I can remember they sang were Spin Doctors and Crash Test Dummies. I think the Crash Test Dummies one was the worst. First, how hard is it to sing “Mmm mmm mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmmm mmm mmmm mmm ohhh ooohhhhhh oooohhhhh”? And she didn’t even sing in the weird Eddie Vedder type voice. The best song of the evening had to go to Pam and Stacy singing the duet with Pam being Michael McDonald.
Finally at the end of the evening was the most tender moment of all. A moment I like to call “Asian Man Singing Karaoke Tells Girls to Jiggle Those Titties”. This asian man was singing karaoke, and started yelling at Pam, Stacy and Katie to “jiggle those titties”. Luckily the guy was more Rape Junior ™ than Rape Original ™, so it wasn’t too scary.
